


Couldn’t hate you if I tried

by stressedoutteenager



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hei Briskeby, that awful kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 15:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11581035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stressedoutteenager/pseuds/stressedoutteenager
Summary: Adam mentions that someone saw Yousef and Noora kiss at the Karaoke Party while Sana is also in the room. This leads to Sana and Yousef kind of talking about it.





	Couldn’t hate you if I tried

Helping the boys with their YouTube videos has become a weekly thing for Sana. They always ask her to be behind the camera to ask them stuff, be the referee in a game or whatever else they need in that moment. She agrees to help most of the times. Sana likes helping where she can and that a certain boy she has been spending a lot of time with lately is there too doesn't hurt.

It has become so normal for Sana to be there when they are filming that they sometimes lose every filter they had around her before, which honestly was never too much.

That's how Sana finds herself looking through the pictures the boys had printed out for her to randomly give those to them for a game they made up and hearing something that makes her gut sink.

"Dude, I heard that you had a bit more fun than we did at the karaoke party a few weeks ago. Kissing that cute blonde girl. What's her name? Noora.", Adam mentions casually.

He's almost lying on the couch; Mikael next to him, leaning on Adam's propped up knees. Elias and Yousef are sitting on the ground and Mutta on the armrest of the couch. 

Sana's head snaps up, she feels herself getting overwhelmed for a second. Now she knows what really happened that day but in that moment she was so hurt and felt so stupid to have let herself fall for a guy that kissed one of her best friends. All the hurt comes crashing down on her again. 

Yousef's head immediately snaps into Sana's direction and she quickly looks down on the pictures again. Yousef wonders if she heard that. He did not have the guts to tell her about it yet but he planned on doing it. She had to know, he didn't want to keep anything from her but this was not how he imagined telling her. 

He gulps uncomfortably and shifts in his seat. The four other boys all look at him, expecting an answer. Mostly Elias. Didn't Yousef have a crush on his sister? Didn't his sister have a crush on him?

Elias looks behind him and sees Sana flipping through the pictures, looking like she doesn't listen.

"What? Who said that?", Yousef manages to say. It's all he can say because he's panicking. 

Adam just shrugs. "A friend."

"You have other friends than us?", Mutta says laughingly, sensing the tension in Yousef's voice and trying to stay clear of whatever Adam is talking about. 

Adam rolls his eyes and laughs but all eyes end up on Yousef again.

Elias, who is confused why he didn't know about this sooner, being Yousef's best friend and all, gets annoyed. He was so sure Yousef had a thing for his sister and he accepted that because he doesn't know anyone who'd be better to his sister than Yousef but what is this supposed to mean? Yousef didn't say it wasn't true.

While Yousef gets more nervous, so does Sana. She is still standing behind the camera which is not rolling yet but now has her phone in her hand to act like she is not listening. 

Elias can't stop himself from looking at his sister once more. He was sure that these two had feelings for each other. So sure that he might have made them go to the store together a few times when he 'didn't feel like going himself'.

"So you're with Noora now?", Elias asks, keeping his voice steady.

Mutta, who was the one trying to make this topic go away before, starts talking without thinking: "I thought you like...", and gets kicked by Mikael. 

He looks at Mikael with a confused look and only understands what he means when Mikael widens his eyes and subtly nods towards Yousef and then at Sana, hoping Mutta understand.

"No, no, no. I'm not .. not with Noora. Not at all.", Yousef stammers out. Why is this happening with Sana in the room? He doesn't dare to look back at her. She probably hates him now. He doesn't want her to hate him.

Elias tilts his head and after figuring out that Sana is only acting like she is not listening and Yousef freaking out more than usual with these kind of topics, understands what's going on. Or at least thinks he does. Doesn't keep him from using this opportunity, though.

"I didn't think you are one to casually hook up with people.", Elias says, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows.

This intrigues Sana and she looks up from her phone. Yousef is sitting with his back to Sana but she can see him tense up, his back straightening.

He shakes his head furiously. His heart racing with panic. Now he can't control himself and looks towards Sana.

"No, no. I did not. That's not how it was. She just jumped on me. I don't... I feel.."

Yousef rambles, stumbling over his words.   
Adam and Mikael share a knowing look. They knew that he liked Sana so that's why they were so surprised to hear he had made out with Noora at that party. Well, they were surprised that he kissed anyone in the middle of the karaoke bar, because that's not how he is. And seeing him freak out this much about that kiss, trying to explain himself and looking over to Sana guilty ... it explains it.  They understand what happened and apparently so did Elias who now just likes torturing Yousef.

"So you're not with Noora?", Elias asks with a very distinct tone. He's challenging Yousef.

At this Sana smiles to herself. She knows he isn't. She read those texts he sent to Noora. Even though Sana thinks it's ridiculous that Yousef was so nervous about the possibility of Sana not liking him while she was freaking out about him being with Noora, she can’t deny that she enjoyed reading what he texted Noora about his feelings for Sana.

And the time Sana spent with Yousef in the past days makes Sana feel sure that he is not with someone else.

"Of course not!", Yousef almost shouts.

Mutta jumps in his seat at Yousef's voice getting loud out of nowhere.

"I'm with someone else... no, I'm not. I am kind of... it's.... I'm not with Noora!", Yousef finally calls out.

The four other boys share a look and all of them look at Sana. When she notices them looking at her she quickly looks down on her phone and acts like she's typing.

The boys don't stop looking at her, while Yousef just looks down on his hands trying to collect himself. He doesn't like this. Sana should not think badly of him. He knows he messed up. He should have never let it happen. 

"Just call me when you're actually filming.", Sana says when she can't bear the looks anymore. She puts down the pictures and quickly walks out of the room and then out of the flat. 

She needs air. 

Sana knows that Noora was hurt that day. Sana also knows that Noora was the one to kiss Yousef and she knows that it didn't mean anything to either of them. 

Then why do all these feelings of hurt and disappointment rise in her chest again? 

She tries to take deep breaths. Getting overwhelmed like on that dreadful day won't do any good now. Her relationship with Yousef ... however it might be defined... is going great. That's all that matters. 

Walking up and down her backyard doesn't help making the uneasy feeling go away so she goes to sit on the swing.

"Can I join you?", Sana hears. She had been staring at the ground, trying to forget what she was thinking about. Didn't work. Especially now that he is standing in front of her.

Sana looks up and musters up a small smile. "Of course."

Yousef sits down on the swing next to her. A few moments they just swing back and forth a bit. Sana presses her lips together and hopes he doesn't start talking about the thing. She really doesn't need that right now.

Of course, she is wrong. He wouldn't have come out here looking so guilty, not being able to look her in the eyes, if he didn't want to talk about that. 

"Okay, I don't know how to start this. So I'm just going to start and hope you don't hate me too much.", Yousef says but Sana still doesn't look at him. "I messed up. And I know I should have told you sooner and I get it if you're mad, you have the right to be. But I am really sorry. I regretted it as soon as it happened."

Still not looking up at him, swinging pushing herself back and forth with her feet, Sana answers: "I knew already. Before today. Don't worry about it."

Sana just wants this topic to be over. She has spent a lot of time getting over it. When it happened Yousef was not with Sana, technically he still is not. When it  happened they had only spend little time together and he was free to do whatever he wanted to with whoever he wanted. At least that's what Sana had told herself.

Yousef's head snaps towards Sana, his eyes wide and a very confused face on his face. "How? Why didn't you say anything then? I just ... "

Sana sighs. "Adam's friend saw you, might not have been the only one, don't you think."

"Oh my god, Sana. I'm so sorry. I ..."

Now Sana snaps. "Yousef, it's fine. Let it be." She really doesn't want to talk about this.

Yousef can clearly hear the annoyance in her voice and she seems angry at him. No wonder, Yousef thinks. She has every right to. He messed up. Big time.

"Sana, I really am sorry.", Yousef almost whispers but it moves something in Sana. 

Finally she looks at him but not with that cute look Yousef usually receives from her. She looks at him with fire in her eyes while simultaneously looking hurt. 

"Then why did you do it?", Sana exclaims louder than she intended to but she could not control it then and there. 

He should have left it. She got over it. She had worked to get over it. He should have just let her be. 

After her outburst Sana is too embarrassed to look at him. Shouting at him is not the way to go.

From the corner of her eye Sana sees Yousef stand up from the swing. Great, he'll leave her alone. At the same time she feels disappointed that he leaves without giving her an answer. She shuts her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. Calm down, she tells herself, it's all fine.

"Sana.", she hears the all too familiar voice that makes her look up.

Yousef is crouching in front of her, waiting for her to look at him. 

Sana notices how overwhelmed and nervous he looks but she doesn't say anything. She just bites on her lip and waits.

"Will you listen to me if I tell you now? If you don't want to and want me to go I'll do that. It's your call."

She doesn't think about it. The words leave her mouth quickly. "Tell me."

Yousef takes a deep breath and thinks. How does he communicate the mess that was in his head that day? He just starts talking, in the hope that Sana will not hate him too much after he is done.

"Okay. That day at the karaoke bar ... I don't even know how it happened. I was so excited to come there because Elias had told me that you specially asked for me to come. I was over the moon. Especially after I saw that you deleted me as a friend from Facebook and all the hot and cold behaviour. And I'm in no way saying you are to blame for anything, you're not. I did what I did and I shouldn't have and I messed up big time.", he gets side-tracked. "But when we got there and the first thing I saw was Even standing on that stage and singing. I thought the only reason why you wanted me there was for me and the boys to see Even again. After I told you about what happened and how it affected me, not long before. I was just so confused. I thought you didn't like me the way I like you and on top of that your friend, Even's boyfriend, punched Mikael and I got overwhelmed. So when Noora looked so upset I stopped to ask what happened. She is your friend, after all. And when ... she kissed me I .. I don't know. I felt like I didn't have anything, anyone to lose because you didn't like me anyway. And I know it doesn't make it better but as soon as I realized what was really happening I stopped it, I ran off. And I really get it if you hate me now. If you don't want to .. continue whatever we have."

Looking at Sana while trying to explain is impossible to Yousef. All that guilt comes crashing down on him again. While spending time with Sana so much he completely forgot about that. Now, when he sees Sana's reaction he feels even worse than right after.

Yousef finally gathers the strength to look at Sana. He doesn't want to see her disappointed look. His eyes meet hers and he forgets how to breathe. She doesn't reveal anything of what she thinks or feels with her look but there is something that makes Yousef take a sharp breath.

"I don't hate you, Yousef." Sana's eyes soften just a little. "I couldn't if I tried to.", she whispers. 

Yousef hears that. His eyes widen and he feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. Sana not hating him is all he needed to know now. Everything else can be dealt with. 

"Thank you.", Yousef blurts out.

Sana furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "For what?"

"For not hating me.", Yousef answers.

Sana can't believe him. He really makes her laugh now. She rolls her eyes at him but can't stop laughing. She didn't realize it but that's what she needed now: laughing.

Yousef joins her; it's impossible not to laugh when Sana does.

"Hey!", both of them hear being shouted and turn to the source of the voice.

Elias, Adam, Mutta and Mikael are at the window, looking down at Sana and Yousef. They are lined up like you'd see it in a movie. Elias at the edge of the windowsill, on the far left. Adam leans on Elias’ back and trying to look past him. Mikael tries to get a look from under Adam's arm because Adam takes more space than he needs. Mutta is taller than all of them so he just leans over their heads but leans so far out the window that he might fall.

"Please tell me you're not proposing right now. It's a bit early.", Elias shouts from the window.

Yousef is still crouching in front of Sana but had to rest one knee on the ground after being in that position for so long. Looking down at himself, Yousef realizes what Elias means and stands up. One day, but not today.

"Come back inside. We need to film!", Adam shouts. "And Sana, I need your science knowledge to back me up here."

Sana stands up and falls into step next to Yousef. She hears the boys argue inside.

"You're wrong!", Sana hears Mikael shout.

"I'm right! Sana will back me up on this!", Adam shouts and Sana doesn't need to see them to know what this situation looks like.

No matter what happens she has these guys that are always at her home to cheer her up.


End file.
